Terry (her last name has been withheld to ensure her family’s privacy) went through what no mother should ever have to endure—learning of the sexual assault of her child and a subsequent 16 court dates in order to gain justice against the perpetrator.
To say it was a trying ordeal would be an understatement.
“I had to fight for support and to be heard,” said Terry. “I was in such a dark place for months. I went through 16 court cases over two years. It’s long and drawn out and you’re just exhausted all the time.”
The man who assaulted Terry’s child only served four months in prison after being convicted.
“After he was released I had to work really hard to not obsess and allow the anger to take over my life,” she said.
In February 2019, she launched Serenity’s Haven, a local support group for mothers and women caring for sexually abused children. Serenity’s Haven is a safe, non-judgemental space where women can talk and explore resources to help get them and their child through a difficult time.
The support group is currently only open to women but Terry said she is happy to meet with fathers or male caregivers one-on-one and, if there is enough interest, she would be willing to start a second group.
Serenity’s Haven currently meets every other Tuesday evening in a discreet location. It’s a place to gain information about resources and a safe space in which to vent and seek advice from other women going through a similar situation.
“For many of us, sharing is part of healing,” said Terry. “Since I’ve been through it I am happy to be here for anyone to help and listen.”
Terry also helps women understand how to talk to their child—you have to communicate a certain way when they hold so much anger inside, she said.
As many of the discussions could potentially be triggering for mothers of abused children, Terry brings a friend to the meetings in case anyone wants to leave the room and speak privately throughout the night.
Serenity’s Haven attendees have come from as far as London and Hamilton, as some women prefer to remain anonymous.
In addition to the support group, Terry offers to meet with people in private or speak with them on the phone if they prefer. She also accompanies women to court dates if they need support.
Terry said that one of the best resources she’s found is the Child Advocacy Centre of Simcoe/Muskoka in Orillia. They have a paediatrician on call who does an assessment of the child; there is a playroom that allows the child to feel more at ease and at home. The CAC can also arrange for an OPP officer to meet with the child and their caregiver in order for the child to make their statement.
“I genuinely feel like this is my calling in life,” Terry said. “You’re not alone. There are so many people out there willing to listen, care and support you who have been through what you have been through. If I could help even one other child or parent, I knew it would affect lives for the better.”
For more information or to contact Terry, visit the Serenity’s Haven Facebook page or email [email protected]
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