Listen, every evil you can imagine wants you isolated.
School bullies. Domestic abusers. Dictators. Social media billionaires. They all benefit from you being alone, voiceless, and afraid.
Vow with me to never do their dirty work for them. Do not go gently into that bad comment section. Do not let your world get so small that you can’t be curious, that you can’t be kind. Do not let other people (or entities or twitter talking heads or or or) tell you what you feel or what you believe. Collect information from multiple reliable sources and put together your best guess and be prepared to be wrong and to grow.
That’s what I’m doing, anyway.
Sometimes we are so far apart on our beliefs that it feels like we live in different worlds. But we don’t. We’re neighbours. We live here, in Huntsville: you, me, our Town and District Councillors.
Many people here hold opinions that could hurt and divide our community. Some of people vocalize said opinions. I think for many, the hurt is part of the point. They feel wronged, they perceive that feeling as hurt, and therefore feel justified to hurt others. They truly believe their hurt is the most in need of redressing, and when they see the pain of others tended to, they have a deep sense of injustice. Right or wrong, that’s what they feel.
When people are angry, especially online when their physical person is ostensibly safe, I read their words and think: you are afraid. You do not want to suffer and you truly believe you are experiencing or about to experience suffering.
All beings, when given the choice, will move to alleviate their suffering. Some beings but not all will move to alleviate the suffering of others. Some beings are not able to alleviate suffering.
Which kind are being are you?
You know who you are. And when I read your words, so do I. I almost died from cancer and then from the surgery to remove it – I will not be spending my one wild and precious life calling people mean names and committing logical fallacies on the internet.
I do, however, want the eradication of needless suffering (unlike Mother Theresa, while we’re on the subject of canonizing humans). I don’t think suffering is godly and I think most of it is optional (kind of a Buddhist take, but let’s not make a statue about it).
I think it is important to take every available opportunity to ease the suffering of others.
Two things happened when the news came out that Huntsville was gifted and formally accepted a bronze statue of Gandhi:
Some people said, Not sure that’s a great idea. He was kind of racist and a creep and thought all kinds of humans were not really human. We can no longer just accept a legacy without examining it. Let’s move away from lionizing fallible humans and move toward celebrating the values they represented.
Some people said other things, many of which were un- or mis-informed, and some of which were really fucking racist.
Nuanced takes that I saw and appreciated discussed the politics and optics of international gift-giving and receiving, the missed opportunity for civic engagement on a potentially divisive topic, the value of setting in stone (or metal) a particular person from a particular place and time and hoping his (usually his) image will serve as a stand-in for an idea or way of being.
If you are someone who thought, Surely Gandhi is not divisive? Well, I admire your ability to avoid certain areas of the internet.
The Huntsville Town Council held a special meeting shortly after this issue became a bit of an inferno.
They put forth a motion to revisit the acceptance of the statue and then voted to decline it.
I appreciated Mayor Nancy Alcock’s measured and thoughtful words, and those of the councillors who spoke. I am grateful that Councillor Renwick used the word ‘racist’ to describe some of the objections. We all know there is great power in words. I am not surprised she said that the emails she received were mostly civil but that the social media comments were not.
Councillor Dionne Schumacher continues to have my great respect. Schumaker spoke of her grandfather, an immigrant who came to Huntsville and understood then what remains true today: Huntsville does not tolerate difference. I sensed a great disappointment that we as a community have not left that intolerance in the past. We have made great strides, not all of them forward.
Most elections, my neighbour puts up an election on his yard. Most elections, our house does too. Very rarely do our sign colours match. What do I know from this? That we both care enough to publicly show support for the best parts of the parties we support.
I greet my neighbours and sometimes stop to chat (especially at a yard sale). When we talk about politics, I work to find the things we have in common. It’s usually that we want people who are having a hard time, including ourselves, to have an easier time.
That’s why the signs on our lawns are just another piece of data about people with vast and complex inner lives, different lessons, and meaningful values. When the power goes out for too long, I’m not calling my friend who voted like me and lives twenty minutes away; I’m going next door too see if they need anything. That’s also where I’m going if I need emergency help.
Sometimes it’s hard to get new neighbours. They have different inner lives, life lessons, and even values. We can getlaser-focused on difference and aren’t great at deescalating. We don’t often say, “I’m sorry, I misunderstood,” “Maybe I don’t have all the necessary information,” or “Thank you for explaining, I didn’t realize that.” We’re mad and we think we’re right.
What the Huntsville Town Council did was listen. They heard the feedback, all of it. And they made a decision in light of the many factors that they had not considered being that they too are humans with a great many decisions to make with their own, you know, inner lives, different lessons, and varying values.
Huntsville Town Council apologized.
And they changed course.
And they decided to move forward differently so we don’t have to go down this rather pot-holed road again (that’s a 2022 Council election debate joke, and no I’m never running for Council again).
My family watched the Town Council session online, and when it ended, I turned to my mom and my girlfriend and said, “You know what? This is literally the best way this could have happened.”
As a feminist, I don’t have to suffer another monument to men who think they are superior to women and other races. As a citizen of Huntsville, I have renewed faith in our Council in the path they chose and the determination to do better next time. As a welcomer of newcomers, I understand how much our town is failing them and how much action is needed to stop racism against our community members. As a witness, I saw many people claim there was no racism only to be shown evidence of it.
As a Huntsville citizen, I urge you, reader, to get offline a bit more, get outside a bit more, ask your neighbour for help with something (people actually really like to help).
I hope we all resolve to be more curious, take deeper breaths, care for our neighbours, practise civic engagement and at least fill out the gosh-darn town surveys, and…
you know I have to do it…
Be the change you want to see in the world.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Kathleen May, Huntsville (Writer of the former She Speaks column).
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Hope that everyone has got a good weeks worth of neighbor- hugging behind them. I wonder if anyone feels improvement has been made. For me there are still bigots and racism is a world wide disorder. Bondi beach, Australia. Jacksonville Florida, USA. Pretty sad.
It’s too bad that an immigrant child was subjected to bullying some 70 years ago. But it happened. The father had brought his family to Huntsville in search of something better. To a town that had lost some of its sons and daughters a mere 9years previously. Lost in the war against a world class bigot and racist. That took guts from him. I hope he was never that disappointed.
I take exception though to the bit in the statement that says “Huntsville does not tolerate difference.” Both the man’s son and grand daughter have served as councillors in this very town. Seems like toleration and acceptance to me. But cranks, bullies and bigots will never be dispelled.
As for social media media being laced with racism, I would have been somewhat gob-smacked had there not been comments beyond decorum. And It was unnecessary for someone to go George Carlin on me when conveying just how f$%#ing racist some comments were. Could have been kept ‘need to know’, and I didn’t.
But getting back to the hugging part of the comment, it’s the time of year when a lot of that is about. Looking forward to a few myself and hoping that everyone gets some.
Enjoy.
The point has been missed.
Are we really that surprised that bigotry and racism exist? This last statue exercise just gave it (them) an opportunity to gallop free. I sure won’t be saying that I have no bias or prejudice but there’s always an opportunity to gather info and grow. Being a racist seems to involve a lot of heavy lifting! I mean, you have to detest an entire race! There must be someone in there that a person wouldn’t share a beer with or take fishing.
The Huntsville of my youth had smaller town boundaries and I would guess the population was around 3900/4000. I remember one sign stood near Mrs. Feltham’s house near the High School. Another was in front of the Tynan house across from where Staples is now. A friend put a ’56 Monarch through that sign. Just saying.
For sure I’ll admit that the Huntsville I grew up in was pretty white bread, but my Dad and I worked for a lot of Italians and some indigenous people worked for Dad. They seemed okay to me. I guess I was aware then of Caucasian and Amerindian though maybe not in those exact terms. So whether nurture or nature, I never had too much contact with racism. As well there was the youthful realization of there being three kinds of people out there. Family, friends and the folk you stayed the hell away from. Those groups were not mutually exclusive. There was family you sure gave space. I think it’s our humanity and moral leaning that helps us, become us.
Some of my family chose to be known as ‘Pennsylvania Dutch’. There seemed to be a prejudice afoot in the day, so I imagine they faced some discrimination along the way as well. The Hanes/Fetterly/ Markle gang/clan could claim several countries as ‘home’. But once in this area, they seemed to blend in and become part of the community. As will most people arriving here now. If they want to.
But there will always be those who will not accept or be swayed. We have to know they are out there. Not just in this town or country. They have that freedom of choice, as do we, and they so choose.
It’s a pity, but a fact.
Thank you Kathleen for your voice, thoughts, measured words and reflection. Kindness and civility should always prevail with a strong beating heart in our beautiful town of Huntsville.
Thank you for taking the time to write this well thought out heartfelt letter.
I’ve forwarded it to a number folks who don’t live in Huntsville as it’s a reminder to all of us no matter where we live to take a step back, think, and be kinder.
I’d been trying to find the words to express my thoughts on the posts of the last week regarding.the statue issue but this letter pretty much sums up how I feel,!
Thank you Kathleen for your thoughtful and beautifully articulated letter ! I too miss your column .
Always appreciate your take, Kathleen. Your knowledge and wisdom blend with your faith in community and your intention to lead with love in a way that reminds us yet again that it’s up to us to stand against the forces that aim to divide. Thanks for that, and for managing to toss in a chuckle or two along the way.
Thank you, Kathleen, for pulling all those threads together into one message. We’re very quick these days to both attack and to feel attacked. Our neighbours are not our enemies, they’re our vanguard.
This is a beautiful reminder that fear and anger shrink our world, while curiosity and neighbourliness expand it. We don’t have to agree on everything, but we do have to remember we live beside each other — literally. Thank you for putting so much humanity back into the conversation.
I appreciate this whole thread. Despite the noise online, most people in Huntsville want the same thing: a community where everyone feels they belong, and where we face hard things together instead of tearing each other apart through grievance.
Douglas is right — we’ve spent so much energy fighting over symbols while real neighbours are struggling quietly just down the road. Pieces like Kathleen’s bring the conversation back to where it belongs: people, compassion, and the work that actually matters.
Thank you to everyone here who’s speaking with care. It’s easy for a town to get loud about the wrong things and quiet about the things that truly hurt people. Kathleen’s piece — and these replies — are a grounding reminder that grace, curiosity, and neighbourliness will carry us further than outrage ever will.
Most recently, I had to go Huntsville Hospital emergency for a serious health issue. The doctors who treated me and eventually helped me recover were all Asian- none I assumed, came from, or were educated in Huntsville. They were knowledgeable,professional and kind. I was deeply grateful.
During the recent “statue” debate, my heart shattered with each demeaning xenophobic comment posted on Facebook and other medium. Especially in view of the comments made by the US president directly against American-Somali citizens which occupied public discourse at the same time.
Huntsville showed itself for who they really are when it comes to pressing “issues”. All that energy expelled over a hunk of metal. Meanwhile 30% of Huntsville citizens are facing a food shortage crisis for their families. 10% of high school students don’t have enough to eat. Drug addiction slumbers beneath the pretty decorated streets. Homeless people sleep rough out behind MacDonald’s. Rents are climbing out of reach. Foodbanks are becoming a cottage industry, as more and more folks seek help. Corporate greed is paralyzing seniors and other citizens budgets, shrinking their “basket of goods”- the new definition of poverty, daily. Property Taxes, Insurance premiums, hydro costs,food costs, prescription costs- all rising- for many, making financial choices almost impossible. Where is the Facebook outcry over that?
Politicians always correct course if they sense trouble in their electoral base. Gandhi may have been a flawed human but he got some things right and he put his heart and energy to helping the real issues of his people. He recognized change had to come and it started within his own mindset. Was he any kinkier than the world leaders we have now – many of whom are loved beyond life itself.
The world is changing. The old ways are dying. Nationalities once conquered and ruled by British and American imperialism and hegemony are prospering through focused economic strategies that include stronger education, their leaders focused on the future. Within ten years, Artificial Intelligence will wipe out 30% of most jobs that Huntsville folks pay their way with now. Raising a “hew and cry” over a bronze statue will do little to prevent what’s coming and political leaders know it.
Very well said, Kathleen. I admire your ethics and your kind social sensitivity. Thank you.
Wise words and important reminders. Beautifully written too, I’ve missed your column!
Your words covey my thoughts as well! Thank you Kathleen.
thank you for sharing your thoughts. it has been starting to feel like Huntsville is not a place for anyone from another community – Hamilton, or more recently northwestern Alberta, – and definitely not from “Toronto” Our nearest neighbours are very kind and engaged with community – when I had a medical emergency they immediately came to support my husband. So thanks to all the great kind neighbours and let’s try to be them.
Well said. Thank you.
Thank you Kathleen. Well said. It communicates many of the feelings I have on this recent event and the reactions to it.. I speak only for myself but I am hopeful that I am part of a ‘silent majority’ who feel the same.
Very thoughtful submission Kathleen, thank you. 🙏🏽