For all our perceived differences, no matter our status, political opinions, background, height, weight, or ethnicity, we will each face, in our own time, our own individual mortality. Despite this universal, inevitable destination that all are headed toward, few, if any of us, rarely take the time to discuss, plan for, or reflect on the significance of the most profound experience of our lifetime.
After years of nursing, Yvonne Heath realized that acknowledging our own death and that of our loved ones opened up a new, expansive insight into the foundations of living itself. In so doing, she marvelled that life, our life, becomes richer, more finely tuned, and more sensitive to the beauty and wonder that we are immersed in and participate in.
This discovery led her to a new professional path that inspired her to write and publish her first book, Love Your Life to Death (How to Prepare for End of Life So You Can Live Fully Now), now in its second edition. More importantly, Heath became a much sought-after speaker and lecturer, granting her the opportunity to share not only her story but also meet with countless others who have, in turn, shared theirs.
As a medical professional, Heath never thought she’d write a book, much less travel the talk circuit, but she felt impelled to share her discoveries, changing not only her life but also readers and lecture attendees.
“I asked people, are we really well-prepared for grief and transitions and death and all the messiness in between? Do we know how to support ourselves and each other? And everyone’s just like, what? You know, we’re all so busy, right? We talk, everyone talks about how busy they are. We don’t have time… to think about this, to reflect on this, to be proactive, or figure out what we believe about life and death. I mean, some people have, some people haven’t [had a chance]to plan our end of life. What will I do in a crisis?” Yvonne carefully explains.
“And it’s funny because there are so many transitions in our lives that we know are coming. As we age, there are different transitions that happen mentally, physically, and emotionally as we are in our career, and then someday, maybe not by our choice, our job will change, or we will retire. Our children will grow up and leave home. That’s the plan. Doesn’t always happen that way. And yet, we’re so ill-prepared. And then, we’re in this deep crisis and in the deep trenches of grief. And we don’t even… recognize ourselves. And I think the biggest thing is we don’t realize that grief and joy can coexist. In 2014, I just became so anxious personally and professionally that I needed to do something different.”
Like so many elements in modern societal life, we seem unable to talk to each other in meaningful, solution-focused dialogue about concerns and issues affecting all of us. Death in Western culture seems to be something we choose not to acknowledge as a legitimate aspect of our overall well-being.
“In these 10 years since I wrote it (Love Your Life to Death), I realized that we have sanitized, medicalized, professionalized, and complicated everything. When we talk about mental, physical, emotional health, we’ll leave it to the professionals, or we need to change policies, and we’re all angry at the government. And I kind of say a little tough love, the elephant in the room here. It’s a yes, yes, and yes, and we need to get back to being compassionate communities who know and learn how to just show up for ourselves and each other. Let’s just show up for ourselves. What do I believe in? How can I be proactive? How can I just show up for myself first? And how can I just show up for others? We need to get back to being compassionate. To create our compassionate communities wherever we stand.”
Heath advocates for transparency and openness toward that part of our lives that we will all face. Armed with that knowledge, we slowly transform our living experience and perception into a life focused on quality, rich in joy, treasuring every moment— the good and the bad, ultimately being transformed by the acceptance of what is, rather than trying to fix it—fatal illnesses or avoid death. Of course, treatment, when needed, is part of a joyous life, but is there a need to prolong life through medical resources that will not restore one’s quality of life? Could that time be better utilized to embrace and cherish loved ones, to plan and provide family with our last testament, or how we wish to be remembered and appreciated, rather than using up those precious moments in repeated procedures that simply belie the natural outcomes of our life cycle?
Heath proposes that these questions and more are topics for families to address realistically and ideally as soon as possible. Her book and training lectures provide a template for individuals as proactive guidelines. Significant in her philosophy is the central premise of showing up and being present for others and ourselves. She suggests practicing showing up, taking the blinders off, giving a struggling friend or neighbour time and honoured space, and allowing them to lay their burden down.
“We practiced, just showing up. When you don’t know what to do, you don’t know what to say, just Show Up,” Yvonne recommends. In so doing, compassion, love, humour, gratitude, and gentle kindness emerge, in fellowship and kinship to each other, as part of the human family.
Detailed information can be found at https://www.loveyourlifetodeath.com/. You can also access her Facebook page Here and her YouTube channel Here.
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