Letting go and looking within: This is Kathleen May

Every week, I will be profiling an extraordinary human being who lives in our community. If you know someone who is doing something interesting with their life, I want to hear about it. Send me an email at [email protected].

Once, not too long ago, there was a 25-year-old girl who was caught in an abusive relationship. She felt scared and alone and she fled to the one place that she knew she would feel safe. That place was Huntsville and the girl’s name is Kathleen May.

Now she’s 30, but so beyond her years. She comes right out – she’s a lesbian, a feminist, a writer (a Muskoka Novel Marathon participant who had the third highest word count of all the writers) and an advocate for women – and she’s totally comfortable with who she is. But it wasn’t always like that and it took some time before she was able to find her true self.

When you’re in a destructive relationship, it can fog the mind and make it difficult to see things clearly. Kathleen is also a multiple rape and child sexual abuse survivor. She’s been through way too much for a girl who’s only been on the planet for a mere three decades. But without a doubt, it was the resilience of her unbreakable spirit combined with a deep desire to help other women who have faced similar tragedies in their lives that has pushed her to rise above it all.

“I’m not supposed to be with guys at all,” says Kathleen. “And as soon as I figured that out I couldn’t go back.”

I ask Kathleen what the deciding factor was for her to finally leave her abusive relationship with a guy before coming out as a lesbian and she tells me without a pause.

Worthiness. Learning my own sense of value. As soon as I started to love myself and get rid of all the hatred and self-doubt everything changed. My relationships with women became more fulfilling and meaningful. I almost felt dumb. I’m self-aware, I self-search so much, but there’s a block in this one area. Why was it so horribly wrong? And when I finally figured it out I couldn’t keep being self-destructive and angry, my path has been much clearer. My work is so much more effective. I know what I’m doing now.

Kathleen is the founder/director of the Huntsville Women’s Group. She coordinates the program with two other female volunteers. This is the third year in a row that the organization has received funding for a government Pay It Forward Muskoka grant. It’s evidence that the government acknowledges the goal of the program and sees not just the benefits but the local need as well. Having the funds helps pay an honorarium, although many of the invited guest speakers will simply do it for free. It’s a valuable program and it’s almost always well attended. It’s a safe and fun environment for all women to come to.

Kathleen is full of compassion and wants women who feel alone and isolated to know they are not. That’s why she founded a ladies-only, weekly drop-in centre.

It doesn’t matter if you’re there just to connect with other women, to take advantage of a free and fun activity or learning workshop or if you’re there to affirm that you are not alone in a time of need.

I envision a women-only space in this community where we can heal and grow our own food and build our own houses. As a young girl, I wrote stories about the hard things women go through.

With knowledge comes wisdom…

Kathleen took part in the YWCA’s Business of Life program as well as a Women in Business course. At the end of the Business of Life workshop, 16 ladies turned into three who wanted to go forward with a plan. They had learned so much and wanted to put all the information to valuable use. A Pay it Forward grant was applied for and granted and the Huntsville Women’s Group was born.

“Women traditionally do the vast majority of volunteer work,” says Kathleen, noting that she is a volunteer as well. She’s been a helping hand at Chrysalis, the local women’s shelter, and also volunteers for the Muskoka-Parry Sound Sexual Assault Services mentorship program.

“We’re so skilled and we need to be paid for our skills. The funding puts us above and beyond just having a meeting space. It puts us in a position to offer and in offering that, women often get to bring something home with them.”

As soon as women are laughing, says Kathleen, they’re talking. And she’s witnessed it. A lot of times there’s a communal understanding between the women. As the founder of the group, Kathleen often leads discussions. In many instances, she doesn’t even have to say a word and “boom. There’s this total consciousness… this moment and we’re talking about how to flee an abusive relationship, resources out there or mental health. It’s profound to watch women help each other in a positive space.”

Kathleen sitting outside her Huntsville home, where she lives with her mom. This is one girl who loves to be outside, whether she’s hiking, camping or gardening. It’s her place to be.

The beauty of life is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and beliefs. Of course being a feminist means Kathleen has her own take on if women ruled the world.

I believe women in charge of the world will save the world.

“Women are literally the creators of consciousness… we’re the only reason the universe exists. From a quantum perspective, science has never come close to replicating what women do. And we’ve been relegated to second place; basically oppressed. The fact we can come through that… All of a sudden there’s a women’s revolution. We were never supposed to be oppressed.”

(The Huntsville Women’s Group isn’t running right now. It closes for the summer and Kathleen gets to enjoy all the things she loves to do – camping, hiking and gardening. The program will resume September 22. It’s Kathleen’s baby and if it wasn’t for the toxic relationship she was once in, who knows if the drop-in centre would have been a thought. Everything happens for a reason… as shitty as those reasons can sometimes be.)

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