For many reasons, Merry Christmas isn’t always merry: Dale Peacock

It’s Christmas and we are all filled with joy, right? Sadly, happiness seems to be particularly elusive for some at this time of year.

(By the way, a quick glimpse at a calendar demonstrates how religiously diverse we are: December is a month that encompasses the Christian and Jewish celebrations of Christmas and Hanukkah and includes spiritually significant days for Muslims, Buddhists, Pagans and Zoroastrians. But since it is mostly the celebration of Christmas that is so filled with angst, that’s where I’m focusing.)

Whether we are religious or not, every message around this time of the year is about how happy we should be. We’re bombarded with words and images that show people being joyful and grateful and celebrating with family and friends and colleagues. It’s easy to feel like a freak or an outcast if you don’t feel that way. The darker reality is that depression, suicide and suicide attempts increase during this time and lots of research shows that almost half of the people interviewed experience the festive season as something to be dreaded.

The ‘why’ of it isn’t just one thing. It’s many things and different for everyone. Sometimes, sadness is a very real immediate grief caused by the death of a loved one. This is the case in our extended family this year as we mourn the passing of a young mother far too soon. Or is it the first Christmas since the death of a loved one or the anniversary of that event?

The dark wintry weather affects some people more than it affects others and for the most severely impacted there is even a name for it – Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

The truth is that most of the seasonal sadness is related to unrealistic expectations and a habit some of us have to indulge in excessive reflection as one year winds down and another is about to begin.

Some people are troubled and even angry at the excessive commercialization of Christmas, with its focus on ‘stuff’. They long for a time when Christmas was about family and goodwill and simple pursuits. I’m not sure that it was ever that way but in our memories it was. And given the Black Friday brawls – not in Canada yet, thank goodness – stressful family get-togethers, he/she/and ours Christmases and credit card debt afterward, there’s reason to be glum.

My biggest annoyance at Christmas is the nonsensical claim that there is a war on Christmas if – God forbid – you say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. I have never once heard ANYONE chastised for saying Merry Christmas. I tend to say it myself out of habit but I’m thrilled when anyone wishes me well no matter how they phrase it. Christians in North America are a privileged and majority group. You do not get to play the victim card. It is just frankly absurd no matter what Bill O’Reilly tells you.

If you try to celebrate Christmas in some more modest and meaningful way, it’s still easy to get dragged down by self rumination leading to the conclusion that your life isn’t quite as good as your neighbour’s life. This is only made worse if you have a friend or family member who sends out the dreaded ‘Christmas Newsletter’ recounting their financial, emotional and spiritual successes of the past year, which usually concludes that Junior was accepted to Harvard and Missy is very close to finding a cure for cancer. Of course it sucks to be you when your life is measured against such perfection, even if it’s likely somewhat exaggerated.

There are some tried and true coping mechanisms suggested each year by mental health professionals and clergy and even your grandma:

• If you are depressed or think you might be, seek qualified help.
• Try to practice a spirit of gratitude instead of mulling on the things you don’t have or the areas where you feel you don’t measure up.
• Refuse to accept the ‘ideal’ representations of Christmas that media, other people and your imagination try to inflict on you.
• Just say ‘no’ to constant introspection about everything that is wrong with your life or that you think is wrong.
• If you are religious, move closer to your church family and take part in every single thing they do to celebrate the bigger meaning of Christmas.
• If Christmas is a truly joyful time for you then reach out to those for whom it is not. For those who are sad, it’s a chance to re-frame the narrative of your life and to take action to think and act in ways that leave the negative parts of your past behind.

And as far as being overly commercial…buying and spending has always been a part of Christmas. Even the notion that Christmas used to be pure and simple is part of a fiction that helps to create the sentiment of the season.

If we went way, way back maybe we’d hear the three Wise Men kvetching about the horrendous price of gold and frankincense and myrrh, or the cost of feeding their camels on the road to Bethlehem.

Merry Christmas and Happy Christmahannukwanzadan every one!

Following a career in the hospitality sector and the acquisition of a law and justice degree in her 50s, Dale embarked on a writing career armed with the fanciful idea that a living could be made as a freelancer. To her own great surprise she was right. The proof lies in hundreds of published works on almost any topic but favourites include travel, humour & satire, feature writing, environment, politics and entrepreneurship. Having re-invented herself half a dozen times, Dale doesn’t rule anything out. Her time is divided equally between Muskoka and Tampa Bay with Jim, her husband of 7 years and partner of 32 years. Two grown ‘kids’ and their spouses receive double doses of love and attention when she’s at home.

Don’t miss out on Doppler! Sign up for our free, twice-weekly newsletter here.