Dale Peacock – The Mother’s Day minefield

A Mission, B.C. elementary school recently sent out this message regarding Mother’s Day: “In an effort to celebrate diversity, inclusivity, and also to nurture our students who are part of non-traditional families, we have decided to encourage those celebrations to take place at home. Due to this, the children will not be making gifts at school to give on Mother’s and Father’s day. We feel each family knows the best way to celebrate with their own family.”

Normally, a liberal such as myself would be all over this in support; I feel badly over pretty much everything that involves people being left out or marginalized or stigmatized. And I do remember feeling sad as a kid when Susie or Brian worked on a ‘special project’ on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day because Susie’s mommy had decamped after the divorce or Brian’s daddy had died, not that anybody said either of these things out loud back then. I knew precisely one divorced family as I was growing up. Making a card for mommy or daddy was just what you did and I doubt the teachers fretted about the larger ramifications.

Back in the day teachers, and people in general, were pretty entrenched as to what constituted family. Let’s make that solidly entrenched. While there are still a few folks out there who cling to outdated ‘norms,’ most people accept, and even embrace, the reality that families come in all shapes, sizes and configurations. We’ve got two mommies, two daddies, nuclear families, foster families, grandparents raising young kids and single parent families. Plenty of studies seem to support that when love abounds non-traditional families can raise happy, well-adjusted kids and conversely, when abuse or neglect is present children suffer even under the traditional model.

The Facebook message that the parent in Mission posted generated thousands of comments – mostly civil – as it spread far and wide. Reasons people gave as to why the cancellation of the Mother’s Day art project was a terrible decision included: it’s always been done this way; why should the majority be punished for the few who are left out; you’ve taken away the Christmas tree and now you’re attacking Mother’s Day; quit pandering to the politically correct; I will not give up my Christian values for minority rights; and it makes my kids so happy to work on this project for me. Fair enough.

Those who agreed with the school’s decision cited big emotional down-spikes for children in foster care and for those in bad home situations following these projects. And some single parents felt their child’s pain at being singled out. One parent said that her child was fairly certain there was something wrong with him since the school must be right to ask him to do this. Yet another said she disagreed with making cards in class because identifying kids as the least bit ‘not in the same mold’ brought out the Lord of the Flies in other kids.

At first blush I was on the side of ‘no Mother’s Day cards being made at school. ‘ On reflection I’m just not sure why it had to be an issue. Would parents even have to be notified if all schools simply acted in a way that reflects today’s reality, which is that a substantial number of children are from differently constructed families. I don’t think it’s rocket science.

Why can’t Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and Family tree making day just be a wonderful opportunity to expand opportunities for loving kindness? It doesn’t even have to be a big deal. It’s NOT a big deal. It should be easy to talk to kids about all kinds of families and then to invite them to make a card for someone they love and who loves or cares for them. It doesn’t have to be a parent at all. Let’s be honest, some kids have crappy parents. Help them honour anyone who cares for them. If it’s two dads…terrific! Two moms….make two cards. A care-giving grandma….honour that. A teacher who makes sure you have lunch every day….bravo!

I think it’s a wonderful teaching tool to help kids realize that the stereotypical family is really not the rule any more. There are many ways to look at this situation but at least one of them doesn’t have to involve throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

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Following a career in the hospitality sector and the acquisition of a law and justice degree in her 50s, Dale embarked on a writing career armed with the fanciful idea that a living could be made as a freelancer. To her own great surprise she was right. The proof lies in hundreds of published works on almost any topic but favourites include travel, humour & satire, feature writing, environment, politics and entrepreneurship. Having re-invented herself half a dozen times, Dale doesn’t rule anything out. Her time is divided equally between Muskoka and Tampa Bay with Jim, her husband of 8 years and partner of 32 years. Two grown ‘kids’ and their spouses receive double doses of love and attention when she’s at home.