{"id":15597,"date":"2016-06-02T07:43:46","date_gmt":"2016-06-02T11:43:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/huntsville.dopperonline.ca\/?p=15597"},"modified":"2016-06-02T08:31:16","modified_gmt":"2016-06-02T12:31:16","slug":"life-as-i-know-it-tales-from-a-crazy-blonde-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/doppleronline.ca\/huntsville\/life-as-i-know-it-tales-from-a-crazy-blonde-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"Life As I Know It&#8230; tales from a crazy, blonde mom"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>This week, I wanted to take the opportunity to let my Doppler readers know a little bit more about me. It is my hope that one day I can contribute a regular column on my life as a crazy mom (or do I mean my crazy life as a mom?) I wasn\u2019t sure where to begin, but when I write from the heart it just feels right\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>I\u2019m serious. <\/em><\/strong>Here\u2019s the thing. No one is ever going to tell you the truth. The crazy, mind-altering, hard-to-come-by truth. Being a parent is some seriously crazy shit.<\/p>\n<div style=\"float: left; margin-right: 14px;\"><strong> <broadstreet-zone zone-id=\"45658\" keywords=\"\" soft-keywords=\"true\" zone-alias=\"\"><\/broadstreet-zone><\/strong><\/div>\n<p>So here I am. Thirty-four years old with two beautiful kids, a sexy-as-hell man, a house \u2013 pretty much a solid foundation for total contentment \u2013 and I\u2019m scratching my head wondering what the hell happened. I was just 22. Like, it seems the other day. I was so free and unbound and willing to do anything, anytime, anywhere. Now, I would kill just to be able to go to the bathroom without one of my kids coming in to tell me they need a snack. Sleeping in? Are you kidding me? I haven\u2019t slept in over five years. And it looks like it. Sometimes I stride past my living room mirror, usually on my way out somewhere, and have to do a double take. Who is that? That\u2019s a tired mom, my conscience replies. It\u2019s the eyes. They\u2019re totally exhausted. A bit too sunken in. And the dark circles under them say it all. They want to close and my brain wants to shut off. I want to hang up my mom apron for three months so I can sleep. There\u2019s a few motels in town. I\u2019ll take my pick. I\u2019ll get into my room. It\u2019s so clean and quiet. I\u2019m really excited. I could probably go to the bathroom without someone coming in to ask me for a snack. This is sometimes a dream of mine. I just want to go somewhere alone and cop out. Even if it\u2019s for a few minutes\u2026<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_15594\" style=\"width: 1414px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15594\" class=\"wp-image-15594 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean2.jpg\" alt=\"(Left) Emrys is a handful but has a big heart and loves to cuddle. Archer is obsessed with dinosaurs and can't sleep without my pink sweater. \" width=\"1404\" height=\"866\" srcset=\"https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean2-300x185.jpg 300w, https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean2-768x474.jpg 768w, https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean2-1024x632.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean2.jpg 1404w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1404px) 100vw, 1404px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-15594\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">(Left) Emrys is a handful but has a big heart and loves to cuddle. Archer is obsessed with dinosaurs and can&#8217;t sleep without my pink sweater.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>I distinctly remember the horror of giving birth to my first son. I was the tender age of 29. You can read and hear every birthing story there is, but nothing can prepare you for when you actually have to push a seven pound watermelon out of something the size of a lemon. I screamed, wailed like a dying animal and even vomited while pushing. I still quiver thinking about it. It\u2019s bringing back some pretty traumatic memories just writing this. And after the hysteria subsided (which was, I must note, replaced by a euphoric high; after all I had just given birth, and god knows how but apparently your brain releases some much-needed uplifting chemicals afterward), I had one question to ask my mom. Why didn\u2019t she tell me it was going to be like that? She hadn\u2019t really said much about labour at all when I thought about it. She failed to mention that it was going to be like getting hit by the biggest Mack truck in the world and having to endure it while it runs over your body over and over and over again. Needless to say, I was a bit mad at her. Sure, the truth hurts but a heads-up would have been nice.<\/p>\n<p>When my partner and I decided to have a second child it might have been foolish to think that we were doing it just so our first-born would have a sibling. You know, like a buddy for life. To this day we are still wondering if maybe it was the right choice. Life is certainly full and our wallets are empty. If one kid is an adjustment then two will turn your life completely upside down. Four or five and you\u2019re certifiably insane. Plus, it\u2019s seriously expensive. Have you ever thought about the fact that it costs you every time your baby has a bowel movement? Someone once told me if you can get a box of diapers on sale that works out to them being 10 cents each then that\u2019s a good deal. So say your newborn has five or six runny explosions a day, which is not uncommon, that works out to approximately $24 a week. And that\u2019s just the beginning. Never mind having to feed them when they\u2019re fussy toddlers where you end up throwing everything out or growing tweens when you might as well either a) take out a second job to feed them or b) simply invest in a farm.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_15593\" style=\"width: 1414px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-15593\" class=\"size-full wp-image-15593\" src=\"https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean1.jpg\" alt=\"They can scream and hit and fight over who gets the blue spoon but deep down these two love each other. Boys will be boys...\" width=\"1404\" height=\"934\" srcset=\"https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean1-768x511.jpg 768w, https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean1-1024x681.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/media-doppleronline-ca.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com\/2016\/06\/laura_maclean1.jpg 1404w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1404px) 100vw, 1404px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-15593\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">They can scream and hit and fight over who gets the blue spoon but deep down these two love each other. Boys will be boys&#8230;<\/p><\/div>\n<p>The thing about being a parent is that once you become one, there\u2019s no turning back. It\u2019s all on you and serving and cleaning up breakfast for four on a Sunday morning while nursing a bad hangover suddenly loses its appeal. Things get too messy and the laundry piles up. Somehow, I became too old for that shit. I\u2019m a mom now. Two little lives (and a bigger one that\u2019s 6\u20192 and 180 pounds) depend on me. My life will never be like it was when I was 22.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Don&#8217;t miss out on Doppler! Sign up for our free, twice-weekly newsletter <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/doppleronline.ca\/huntsville\/dont-miss-out-on-doppler\/\" target=\"_blank\">here<\/a><\/span>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><broadstreet-zone zone-id=\"45657\" keywords=\"\" soft-keywords=\"true\" zone-alias=\"\"><\/broadstreet-zone><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This week, I wanted to take the opportunity to let my Doppler readers know a little bit more about me. It is my hope that one day I can contribute [&#8230;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":15596,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[26],"class_list":["post-15597","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-community","tag-breaking"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Life As I Know It... tales from a crazy, blonde mom - Huntsville Doppler<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/doppleronline.ca\/huntsville\/life-as-i-know-it-tales-from-a-crazy-blonde-mom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Life As I Know It... tales from a crazy, blonde mom - Huntsville Doppler\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This week, I wanted to take the opportunity to let my Doppler readers know a little bit more about me. 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