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I\u2019m a bisexual mother with two queer kids who have gratefully survived their public-school experience, unlike some of their peers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to a study published on the Canadian Medical Journal website at: https:\/\/www.cmaj.ca\/content\/194\/22\/E767<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSuicide is the second leading cause of death among adolescents and young adults aged 15\u201324 years in Canada.\u201d This same study identified that transgendered adolescents are 7.6 times more likely to have attempted suicide than their cisgender peers. These are facts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve been having a lot of feelings these last few days, I\u2019ve been feeling a lot of fear, anger, and disappointment. For a couple of weeks, my emotions have been running amuck. One minute I\u2019m angry, typing furiously on my keyboard, the next my head is in my hands with tears streaming down my face and then a little while later I develop a deep knot in my gut because I fear that my children aren\u2019t safe. I\u2019ve been wondering if these are normal emotional reactions to my children being called pedophiles and evil by white middle aged people pushing strollers and screaming at people (including my kids) on the main street of our small town on Wednesday September 20th<\/sup>, 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Doug Ford made a snide little comment, less than <\/strong>a few sentences, mentioning the \u201crights of parents\u201d and indoctrination of our kids. Mr. Ford said \u201c\u2026it\u2019s not up to the school board to indoctrinate our kids\u2026\u201d I believe Mr. Ford made these declarations to distract the public from the investigation into the Greenbelt deals. Gratefully, Doug has seemed to have lost the Greenbelt war, but I believe he is trying to make us focus on a different battle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n There were groups across the province on the 20th<\/sup> of this month, who stood outside city halls and schools and other public venues protesting the right to \u201cown their children\u201d. They would like the education minister to review and alter the current sexual education curriculum in the public schools. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Here is the link to the current Ontario sex education curriculum for elementary schools: https:\/\/www.ontario.ca\/document\/health-and-physical-education-grades-1-8\/human-development-and-sexual-health-education-grade<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n Those protesting pleaded to remove the \u201covertly sexual content\u201d and the gender ideology in this curriculum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Those who walked with the One Million March seem really upset about young people learning that there are different types of families, and angry that their kids are being informed that not everyone chooses the opposite gender as a partner. They don\u2019t seem to want their kids to know that other people live their lives differently from them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Nowhere in the education curriculum outline does it say that any gender orientation is better than another; therefore no one is trying to make your kids gay. We just want kids to learn that not every home looks the same and THAT\u2019S OKAY. It really is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Their request to alter the curriculum in and of itself is benign since currently there has been no consideration by the Ontario education ministry to alter them. However, two provinces in this country have already adopted policies to out kids to parents. There are also many political actions happening south of us that make me grateful to be Canadian, but I am scared that these are our neighbours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I know more than a few youths in our community that are scared right now. They do NOT feel safe telling their parents the truth about themselves, in fear of the repercussions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re a parent, how does that make you feel? Are you glad that your kids fear you? I\u2019m curious what are you hoping to accomplish, by putting the fear of \u2018god\u2019 into them? Is it to maintain control over them? Well, they are scared but good luck controlling your kids; most effective parents know that\u2019s a losing battle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I want you to know that I sort of understand. I was born in the 70s and raised by good Irish Catholic parents who believed in fear and intimidation as an appropriate parenting style. My father kept some keep sakes of his principal days. Hanging on the back of his bedroom door were various \u201cstraps\u201d that were used (possibly by him) in the Catholic Schools. He never used one on me, however I did build a healthy fear of wooden spoons which was my mother\u2019s <\/strong>preferred intimidation weapon. I used to resent them for their parenting style; however, I no longer do, but I do refuse to repeat that parental mistake. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth is I sent my own child away for a week to my mother\u2019s cottage when they first came out to me. Their biological father is a highly \u2018Christian\u2019 man who had developed some strong beliefs, differing from the ones he had when we met. After we separated and a family friend came out as trans, he sat our kids down and told them that if they ever came out as gay or trans that he would do everything he could to \u201cfix\u201d them. He had announced many times before that he believed in praying the gay away; since it had worked for him, it could work for anyone. I was more than a bit scared. <\/p>\n\n\n\n My mother took in my queer kid without question. This is the same woman who woke me every Sunday morning to attend church for my whole childhood. My mother also held some archaic beliefs about gender roles. She was born in 1940, so they were all appropriate for her time, and I understand that now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But when I was 14, and she refused me the right to wear a tux to my grade 8 graduation because it wasn\u2019t appropriate for a girl to wear men\u2019s pants, I didn\u2019t get it. I was really confused when she wouldn\u2019t let me cut my hair short while in high school. Wearing my hair up gave me headaches which I had to do while playing sports, but that didn\u2019t matter; no daughter of hers was going to have short hair. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But when my gay child needed a safe place to stay, she opened not only her door, but her arms and her heart. I\u2019m sure it was confusing and hard for her, but she never questioned me about it. She dealt with it, and welcomed my child into her home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n My mother passed away a few months ago, and on her death bed, told my very openly trans child that she loved them and was proud of them. She also told me I was feeding the other one too much; I laughed. She was only human of course and not a perfect parent, as none of us are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m typing this at the same table my kids made signs to attend the counter protest on the 20th<\/sup>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As I start to feel the anger and fear build up for the people who were protesting the inclusion of gender diversity in the sex ed curriculum, I remember the bullies of my school days. The boys who pulled my pigtails in grade school. These same boys would chase me off the soccer or baseball field and tease me for being a girl doing boy things. I complained to my mom about them and she would say, \u201cOh, just ignore them, they\u2019re just trying to get your attention. Ignore them long enough and they\u2019ll stop.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, I will say, these protestors have got my attention. I started to pay attention when they cleaned out the libraries of public schools in Florida due to their book ban. I started to get really angry when, just south of our border, they passed bills that put 2SLGBTQIA+ people\u2019s lives at risk. I cried when I heard how Doug Ford and Stephen Lecce started spouting the same rhetoric claiming the loss of parents\u2019 rights, and the indoctrination of our children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I have however regained some hope since our District Counselor Scott Morrison showed support to the 2SLGBTQIA+ Muskoka community when he announced that he knew a policy change would harm our kids. <\/p>\n\n\n\n These comments might seem benign, on their own, since no one is considering changing the sex education curriculum in Ontario, but I need to ask, if these bullies aren\u2019t called out eventually, isn\u2019t the real fear that they\u2019ll just assume more power? That those who showed up to the protests are going to vote these bullies in? If no one ever stands up to them, won\u2019t they just continue to walk all over the less powerful and continue to take away people\u2019s rights? As they spout fear of their own rights being trampled on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Children don\u2019t have a lot of power; they only have the amount of power we teach them they deserve. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you believe that your kids should not have their own rights and you want the school board to break the trust and confidentiality of their students; have you ever wondered why your kids find it easier to talk to their teachers and school staff, than you? <\/p>\n\n\n\n In case you want to know, it\u2019s because they believe you will reject them. That you will not love and accept them for who they are. That you will tell them it\u2019s a fad, or they\u2019ll grow out of it\u2026. perhaps like you did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I (kind of) understand that thought process too, since I was the epitome of a tom boy. I played a lot of sports, including a summer of lacrosse on an all-boys team. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Having five older brothers and a successful father, I learned early on in life that if you were a man or acted as close to a man as one could, then you usually have an easier time of things. I basically learned that by being a bully, loud, gruff, and assertive I was more likely to get what I wanted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I spent a summer in the mid 90s often being misgendered, while working as a server at a pub whose uniform was cargo shorts and a t-shirt. I was in my 20s and had very short hair, and it was easy to mistake me for a boy, I always wore a sports bra. However, that summer I also learned how to use my feminine wiles to get what I wanted. Lots of free drinks and good parties that summer! My point is, I have played with the various benefits of gender norms my whole life, and it\u2019s taught me a lot, but it also brought some struggles. I was quite a sheltered and ignorant 20-year-old, who barely knew that bisexuality was even a thing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But then suddenly, it was 2014 and my not yet teenage child comes to me stating that\u2019s exactly what they were\u2026or so they thought. And my response was \u201cok\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n This child has changed their name and identifiers multiple times and my response with each new piece of information is \u201cok\u201d and then I do a google search if I don\u2019t know what they\u2019re talking about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I couldn\u2019t attend the counter protest on the 20th with my family, but the rest of them participated because we want to ensure that the queer youth of this community know that there are safe people here and that they are not alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I really don\u2019t understand what\u2019s so hard about accepting your kid exactly as they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It seems to me that those who attended the One Million March protest believe in scare tactics\u2026 therefore, here\u2019s a piece of information that might help you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Rainbow Health Ontario https:\/\/www.rainbowhealthontario.ca<\/a><\/span> : Gay and trans teens rejected by their parents over their sexual identity were over 8 times as likely to attempt suicide, compared with gay and trans youth who report low rejection levels<\/p>\n\n\n\n Which means, if your kid is part of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community they will want to kill themselves if they believe you will reject them, hence, they are talking to teachers instead of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a parent I have tried my best to instill the values and beliefs in my kids that I believe to be important, but I have always known that my kids might not end up believing in the same things as me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I know there\u2019s no parenting handbook, but it seems obvious to me that my primary job as a parent, is to love and accept my kids as they are, to also teach them the little I know, and try to help them find their own path. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The events of the past few weeks, have me wanting to ask those who attended the march, what are you teaching your kids? <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m so grateful that my kids have chosen a path of love, compassion, acceptance and understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I really do hope that your kids and my kids become friends, whether you know it or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n – Lilith Qurice, Huntsville resident<\/p>\n\n\nDon\u2019t miss out on Doppler!<\/h5>\n